Saturday, February 27, 2016

The Right Friend at the Right Time (Day 4 of Gratitude)

I had a dream last night about someone who at one time was among my very closest friends, and I can't help thinking that my subconscious thinks I owe a deep debt of gratitude to Rachel Kurlantzick. Rachel came into my life at the precise right moment. There are those who say this happens often, that you get what you need or what you can handle. Religious people attribute this to God. I don't know what I believe, but I know that Rachel came along during a time in my life when I needed her.

I was a senior in college and was coping with heartbreak. Seeking comfort, I moved back into the house I had lived in during my sophomore and junior years, and a sophomore lived next door. Rachel was compassionate and optimistic and silly—a combination that turned out to be perfect. Perhaps because she hadn't witnessed any of the lead-up in real-time, she was able to listen deeply without judgment and offer advice in a way that resonated. Rachel and I spent hours laying on each other's beds, wasting time in the library, eating snacks and cereal and ice cream... in short, doing what everyone should do in college. Rachel decorated my bedroom on my 22nd birthday.

We remained close for years after that. I spent a week with her family on Cape Cod one summer and went up to Connecticut for her college graduation party when she graduated two years later. And then she moved down to Washington just 3 blocks from my apartment, and our friendship deepened. We spent the afternoon of 9/11 on her rooftop, staring out in dismay at the smoke billowing from the Pentagon. When I was sick and Instacart did not exist, my mom called Rachel and asked her to bring me chicken noodle soup. She stood next to me at my wedding and toasted the next stage in my life.

But that next stage didn't offer the kind of space that my and Rachel's relationship consumed. Or at least that's what I tell myself, because Rachel and I slowly lost touch and our friendship waned. In these days of social media, when we all stay "friends" with people who were never even actually friends, Rachel—one of my very closest friends at one time—are not even "friends" today.

That doesn't make her any less important in my life. Rachel taught me resilience at a time that I desperately needed it, and I owe her a great deal of thanks for getting me through a rough spot and helping me begin my life in Washington.

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